Hooptober 10.0 – Crocodile (2000)

Being Film #26 for Hooptober 2023

Make no mistake: Tobe Hooper may be the director of Crocodile, but this is not Eaten Alive. This is a fast buck direct to video movie that normally would be utterly forgettable except that Hooper can’t help but out a few flourishes that almost – and I mean almost – made it worth sitting through the 90 minute runtime interrupted by a dozen 3 minute ad breaks featuring Trantolo & Trantolo law firm on Plex’s free service. You will get nothing from this movie, but you will smile at Hooper’s sympathies.

THE QUICK SUMMARY: A bevy of college kids rent a houseboat to sail down the river for drinking, screwing, possibly more drinking. Little do they know the legend of the massive crocodile put on display in the old hotel who may or may not be the avatar of an angry Egyptian god. After the dumbass kids mess with and smash a bunch of the croc’s eggs, it goes on a rampage looking for revenge.

This might be the shortest review yet for the marathon. Because this movie is terrible. I suspect Hooper thought so too, because he spares almost no time focusing on making the party goers even remotely likable. He mentions (according to Wikipedia) how they had to change the script to better accommodate the actors and feel more improvisational, but I suspect after watching it was to get any semblance of a performance out of any of them.

It’s readily apparent where Hooper’s sympathies lie, and that’s with the old local police and croc hunter. And with the crocodile itself, because while everything is mostly just bland and annoying when it comes to the kids, the actual kills and mayhem perpetrated by the croc are a blast. Using a mix of practical and dodgy CG, Hooper makes sure there is a ton of blood spurting any time the beast chomps down on someone. If you ever wanted to see a crocodile blast through a concrete bathroom, or rip a dock off its moorings, this is the movie for you.

If you want all that but with a better story, characters, and direction, check out Eaten Alive. Or better yet, Alligator – you’ll thank me for that one. This one is a safe skip.