Shaken, Not Stirred takes a (brief) look at the James Bond canon from Eon Productions. Twice a month, Chris and Jon share their impressions of each film, both on its own terms and in terms of the cultural landscape as well as the genre it helped to create, not to mention its intersection in the Cinema Dual hosts’ lives.

FROM THE (LETTER)BOX(D): NO ONE COMES CLOSE TO JAMES BOND, 007. A British spy ship has sunk and on board was a hi-tech encryption device. James Bond is sent to find the device that holds British launching instructions before the enemy Soviets get to it first.

WHAT CHRIS THOUGHT: Is there a single phrase in this film that better captures 007’s introduction to ’80s cinema than this?

“A nose, not a banana, Q.”

Much as I adore Roger Moore’s take on the Bond role, if For Your Eyes Only proves anything, it’s that his particular take doesn’t quite work in the new decade. It doesn’t help that Moore isn’t the only one who feels past his sell-by date: both Desmond Llewelyn and Lois Maxwell look exhausted, and Bernard Lee’s passing adds to the feeling of a formula in need of a reworking.

John Glen’s first outing as director feels perfunctory; it gets the job done, and continues the string of using the film’s locations to great effect. But tonally he misses the mark, and it weakens too many of the good moments of the film: the opening helicopter set piece is fantastic; tied to what amounts to a humiliating end to the fourth or fifth actor to play Blofeld, it makes zero sense, especially if you’re trying to position this as a “serious” return for Bond after the (awesome, don’t @ me) sci-fi exploits of Moonraker.

WHAT JON THOUGHT: I have been noticing lately a pattern emerging in my Bond viewing, and while it has not been tested enough to rise to the level of scientific theory, I would like to put this on the record as my James Bond hypothesis for future scrutiny, to see how it fares. My hypothesis: you can have an iconic Bond villain or you can have a good story, but you can’t really have both. This might alternately be referred to as The Man with the Golden Gun problem.

I say this with no disrespect to Julian Glover or Topol, both of whom I quite like in this movie and wish there were more of them. But For Your Eyes Only is not a film built around a standout villain performance, and instead chooses to focus on a more straight-ahead revenge plot. After a movie whose plot revolves around a billionaire somehow stealing his own shuttle to start a space sex cult, I’m happy to return to more relatable motivations. Speaking of relatable, an older Roger Moore fights off the advances of the much, much younger figure skater, and pursues a woman his own age for once. His main companion for the film is Carol Bouquet, the young woman who drives the revenge plot. Her competency isn’t entirely earned, but her motivations make up for it. Alas, Bond nearly makes it the whole movie before sleeping with her.

While For Your Eyes Only is perhaps more grounded than Moonraker, new director John Glen and cinematographer Alan Hume make sure the big setpieces all look spectacular. The explosion of the Lotus, in addition to being hilariously set up, looks great. The same goes for the wide shots of Bond’s rock-climbing experience. I’m also realizing in this movie there are so many ski chases in this franchise, and I love them every time, regardless of how inexplicable they are. The helicopter disaster that opens the film is genuinely heart-pounding for the most part.

This brings me to my main complaint with this movie. The opening helicopter sequence, while visually spectacular, needlessly and ignominiously dispatches the franchise’s original villain in a pathetic failed attempt at comedy. What’s worse to me is the theory that For Legal Reasons Not Blofeld was only included to vindictively put the screws to a screenwriter who was contesting the rights to Blofeld’s character. The series had long since put Blofeld behind it at that point, and this move felt petty and mean-spirited. More than that, it just doesn’t work.

ANYTHING ELSE, CHRIS? Hockey attacks, motorcycle attacks, both on and off the slopes…if James were only a few years younger, maybe the ridiculous nature would have worked better, but they only serve to highlight 1) how old Moore was — also probably the reason the script steers him away from any romantic entanglements with the much younger Lynn-Holly Johnson, and 2) how often it results in way-too-obvious stuntmen taking the brunt of the action. It’s an odd choice, considering previous films have established Bond is more than a sex object; Moore had been great at showing off 007’s intelligence, and that could have been extended as he continued the role.

Other than that, I still love the theme song.

ANYTHING ELSE, JON? I don’t know if I missed a line of dialogue, or if it’s just in connection to Lynn-Holly Johnson’s figure-skating aspirations, but For Your Eyes Only has a real Winter Olympics vibe that I found quite enjoyable. In addition to the figure skating and aforementioned ski chase, Bond at one point also gets attacked by hockey players. This cavalcade of athletic assassins is far more enjoyable to watch than Michael Gothard’s stoic Locque. It’s not Gothard’s fault, as he has a captivating screen presence. Sadly, the movie doesn’t build to anything interesting, and he is thoughtlessly dispatched. Maybe they could have thrown in some curlers instead. On a side note, has any other Bond movie featured this many people being killed by an arrow?

Checking in finally with our three supporting players, the random bureaucrats they bring in to replace Bernard Lee don’t measure up, but I also get the sense that they’re not even trying. A similar lack of effort is put into Bond’s typical exchange with Moneypenny, though again I’m not blaming Lois Maxwell for that one. The only part of Bond’s scene with Q that registers is the pressurized cast that punches. I’m a simple man, and it got a laugh out of me.

THE FINAL WORD(S): For Jon, For Your Eyes Only would be a perfectly sturdy and competent Bond movie if they hadn’t thrown Blofeld into a chimney. For Chris, it’s a sign the franchise really needs a fresh injection of ideas…and Bond.

NEXT TIME: JAMES BOND’S ALL TIME HIGH…OCTOPUSSY!